Week 8 - A week off, in my new house and back to a winning record. I'll try to be nicer this week. :)

Sharks (5-2) vs. Knights (5-2)

The Knights may have the most balanced team in the league this year and are as deep as any team I have seen. Just as an example, last week the Knights scored a pretty respectable 81 points at the same time their bench scored 84.. Top that off with 3 of the top 4 running backs and, that's just scary. Even with all that though, they are STILL are in the closest divisional race I have seen I years, thanks to the Magic. On the flipside, through some good moves, good match-ups and luck The Sharks sit on top of the fabled South Division. It's kind of sad really. Now that the perennial divisional bottom feeders have a taste of what success is, it will be so much harder on them when they fall back to their rightful scum-sucking place. I feel it was much more humane when they just didn't know, but I suppose such is fate. Ah well, no matter hope they enjoyed it.

Knights 85 Sharks 54

Onslaught (0-7) vs. WoWW (4-3)

The Onondaga On-slugs square off this week against WoWW in what could be called The "Hey Jim, what did you get me into?" Bowl. The injury bug has not only bitten the Onslaught, they have been absolutely devoured by it. I'm sure they would love a win, but I am equally as sure it will have to wait until next week when they get a tad healthier. Coach McQueeney does have his team positioned to make a solid run at the 2001 Sauer Bowl though, so that's something to look forward to. WoWW needs this game to stay in the hunt and Coach McMahon is so certain of a victory this week that he was quoted as saying, "If WoWW loses to an 0-7 team, I'll take up fantasy ping-pong." So count this one as another W for WoWW or my name is Insook Bhushan.

WoWW 89 Screaming Queens 55

Lightning (0-7) vs. Crushers (2-5)

The Crushers are a much better team than their record indicates, just asked the Col. He's still popping nitro pills from their meeting last week. The Lightning just might have a chance in this game if their star wide outs were not on the same team, a team that happens to be on bye. Ouch.

Crushers 55 Lightning 30

Panthers (4-3) vs. Cougars (5-2)

The Semi Annual Penisville err… Pennellville "Pussies" bowl. The moonshine will be flowing at this battle of the kitty cats, that's for sure. The Penisville… err Pennellville Pushovers are riding the legs of the bus this year and the Conifer Cigars, (<--- Lame ass Clinton reference) have been flying high on the arm of Garcia. Will Coach " I'm not bitter I'm" Sauer "end up sucking on the tail pipe of the Bus, instead of riding it? Will Owner "Don't call me Paul" Lynn decide to move to San Francisco as a life style choice, instead of just having a quarterback there? These questions I can't answer. I can tell you however; if you decide to go to the game make sure you wear your jock backwards as a precaution. I can also tell you that the winner of this game will have a leg up, (now there is a sick mental image for you), in the race for division title. The breakdown of the game is really a quandary the talent for both teams have pretty rough match ups so it should be a low scoring affair (Not an affair in the sense of your cousin, Jamie). It looks like this one will come down to Quarterback play, and with Elvis hurt that means Wienke vs. Garcia and you have to take Garcia in that match up. So as much as it pains me, it looks like I have to hold my nose and take the Losers…. errrr Cougars in this one.

Cougars 13 Panther 12

*****Upset Special*****

It seems the Col. has broken up with his true love" Richard Simmons. Apparently there was a nasty little catfight because both wanted to be "bottom" in the relationship. Thank God they broke up too, because poor little Richard could have gotten seriously hurt. I mean gravity is a bitch and the Col. brings a WHOLE lot of gravity to the table. The Col. seems to be fairing well by buying every Billy Blank, Tae-Bo tape he can get his hands on, but someone should tell him that those are aerobics tapes and not porn before he becomes too confused. Anyhow, it's unlikely that Eddie George and that Rastafarian, gold-toothed freak James will play the week so Couch Piro…er Coach Piro will have to coach his ass off this week, and unfortunately a week is only seven days and that is one big freakin' ass to account for. The Nukers are another team that has been hit bye the injury bug. Crowell, Pathon, Watters OUT. Even their Kicker, Feely, OUT. Emmitt Smith is questionable and Cris Carter is on bye and that doesn't help either. However you got to love Brookes and Alstott's match ups this week, and Mike Anderson is going to have run his ass off at Oakland if he is to keep his job. Factor in The Col.'s new tae-bo fascination and I smell an upset in this divisional grudge match.

Nukers 70 Maulers 65

Game of the Week

Magic (5-2)vs. Storm (6-1)

What makes this game interesting is it is Team Warner vs. team Faulk with out Warner or Faulk playing. Nor will, Trung Candidate, Michael Bennett and Randy Moss, not to mention Fred Taylor who continues to nurse a sore groin. (Fill in you own joke there). Although coming off a crushing defeat at the hands of WoWW Coach Sheridan has clearly proven himself this year to be the most astute coach in the West Division and looks to be set on cruise control to a divisional title, but the Magic needs this game to keep pace. A loss here may make it too difficult for them to come back form given the recent play of the Knights. Obviously, this game will come down to depth and it looks like The Storm just has more. On paper the Strom should simply kick the Magic back to the stone age this week, however I may not believe in ghost, goblins or things that go bump in the night, (Unless it's Col. Piro's head on a bed board) but I do believe that the Magic has a way of making the opponents players disappear when they need too.

Magic 75 Storm 70

Good luck to all. ~Jim