Week 6 - My team is 2-3 after to tie break loss to the freakin' Crushers. I mean really, it sucks to loss any tie break, but to the freakin; Crushers, that's pretty hard to take. This has made me a bit cranky. I hope that attitude doesn't come through in the weeks Point Spread Preview.

Magic (5-0) vs. Crushers (1*-4)

Note the asterisk by the Crushers sole win. 2001 shall forever be considered a tainted season for hapless Crushers due to their cheese ball, slimy, dirty, scum sucking, overtime win versus the mighty WoWW. Clearly, Owner Connelly has resorted to selling his soul to the devil for a mere victory. However, a soul of Owner Connelly's quality really is only worth 1, maybe 2 victories at best. Look for the Magic, (who clearly practice some of the black art as well), to whip on the Crushers this week like Owner Sauer bent over in a bathhouse.

Magic 80 Crusher 45

Sharks (3-2) vs. Maulers (3-2)

First off, where is the righteous indignation of the peoples Barney Fife? Clearly, according to the divine conspiracy theories that Osama Bin Michaud has espoused for years, Owner McMahon conspired against himself to lose a tiebreaker to the lowly scum sucking Crushers. Where is his cry for justice? Where is the outrage? Either way, it seems that everything in the Sharks camp is back to normal - a 2 game losing streak and a disappearing running game. One or two more in the loss column and I'm sure we'll hear something. On the other hand, Owner Piro has been rumored to be shacking up with none other that fitness guru Richard Simmons. The two seem very happy so far and plan to introduce a new fitness energy bar called "The Piro." The new bar, like the Col., will be fat on the outside, soft on the inside and have an overpowering stench of Garlic. The two of them plan to spend the weekend surfing GayChicos.com leaving the Coaching duties to the Maulers Water Boy, which has to be an improvement. I'm guessing even the Water Boy will be smart enough not to bench Eddie George in favor of Marty Booker.

Mauler 72 Sharks 50

Panthers (4-1) vs. Storm (5-0)

Owner Sauer was arrested this week involving a sex-related incident involving a 15-year-old girl. However, it was found out that in Penisville…. Err.. Pennellville, sex-related incidents involving 15-year-old girls is legal as long as the two are related. It was also found later it was only Owner Sauer's pet pig, Mommy, dressed to look like a 15-year-old girl. The courts have not ruled on that subject yet, but several animal rights activist have clearly stated that is inhumane punishment to let a pig date Owner Sauer. I tend to agree. The Storm on the other hand have put together quite a team for 2001. Of course Owner Sheridan can't name any of his players, nor is he certain what Fantasy Football is, or where he is for that matter, but he can quote a Budweiser label from memory while face down in the Parochial League parking lot and that something to be proud of. Look for the Storm to roll while the Pennellville Panthers are purposely preoccupied with pork.

Storm 82 Panthers 65

Nukers (0-5) vs. Onslaught (0-5)

Well, you may not want to set you VCR for this one. This game could be uglier than Owners Sauer and Lynn getting dolled up for their double date at the Friday Night Drag Shows. (And we don't me racing.) The Screaming Queens, err… Onondaga Onslaught have found a way to play just well enough to lose every week while the Nukers simply can't catch a break either. In a game somebody has to win, I suppose I'll have to take the Nukers.

Nuker 45 Onslaught 44

*****Upset Special*****

This game could come down to the quarterback play of The Lightning's Testeverde to the Cougars Garcia. Considering the brilliant coaching decision to start Garcia when he is ON A BYE WEEK, I'm going to have to go with Testeverde here. When asked about this purely inspired and genius move Owner Jaime "Don't call Me Paul" Lynn said, "Hey bye week or not, Garcia is one of the best damn quarterbacks in the league, how can you keep in on the bench? So damn the speed, full torpedoes ahead!" Clearly the Pennellville water and late night of dating his cousins have gotten the better of Owner Lynn, give the nod to the Night Lights… err Lightning this week.

Lightning 55 Cougars 50

Game of the Week

Knights (4-1) vs. WoWW (2-3)

The 2001 WoWW team is oddly similar to the year 2000 team of the Knights. Scores a ton of points, but can't seem to win a game. It's early in the year, but this match up looks crucial for both teams. The Knight simple cannot afford to give another game away in their divisional race and with a win here; WoWW should be back into to playoff hunt. At this weeks press conference when asked about the importance of this match up Owner Naughton said, " Ummm, mrrph, humona huumina, mmmmmph hpistdst, ummmm hmmm, mriufh." If that doesn't tell you how big this game is I don't know what will. Both teams are at full strength, both team need the win. I predict a tie, broken by Manning while giving the owner of the Crushers the finger.

WoWW 85 Knights 85.

Good luck to all. ~Jim