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Fantasy Football 2008
Lightning (1-10) vs. Magic (7-4) Although leading the division, The Magic need a win here to keep their hopes alive for a second straight divisional title and a chance to repeat. A Divisional Title that very well could come down to the 4th tiebreaker. (For those who care its; best record, best division record, Head to Head record, then points scored.) Actually, considering the year The Magic has had, it is sort of amazing they are even competing. Warner has been solid as always and Shaun Alexander has reward Coach Quinn handsomely for drafting him in the 1st round 2 years straight, but the next highest scoring player on the keep is…(insert drum roll) Kerry Collins. This is not exactly the high-powered team the won the classic Y2K Super Bowl, but none-the-less, The Magic is still in this thing. The Lightning got a taste of victory, albeit over the hapless Maulers, only to succumb to the powerhouse that is the Onslaught in week 11. Coach Brainerd has far from given up on his club and continues to maneuver for position in the Sauer Bowl, looking to bolster his running game. Actually, walking game might be more appropriate. Either way, The Magic should be a bit too much for The Lightning to handle this week.
Magic 85 Lightning 50 Nukers (4-7) vs. Knights (6-5) The Nukers stepped up last week to kick the living be-jesus out of the Sharks, inciting talk and speculation that Coach Ryan may be considered for Coach of the Year honors. With a Maulers win however it was a little too late and The Nukers have a one-way Ticket to the Sauer Bowl. Coach Ryan was quoted later as saying, "I don't care how the rest of the season goes; a win over The Sharks makes our year successful. That was our Super Bowl." This week they have a chance to act as spoiler as well against The Knights who need a win to keep pace in a division race that is tighter than Col. Piro's waste band however, I think they may be emotionally spent after last weeks game. Not to mention they once again lose the services of Mike Anderson. The Knights need to rebound from a tough loss to force a Week 13 game for the North Division Title. The Knights have a history of playing just well enough to lose in big games, and have been inconstant as of late, scoring 40 points one week, then 90 the next but, I think Coach Naughton will have his team pries and ready for this one.
Knights 80 Nukers 75 Crushers (4-7) vs. Onslaught (1-10) In last weeks "Who Sucks Worse Bowl" the Onslugs finally broke their W cherry. In this weeks "Who Sucks Worse II," they will be looking to prove it wasn't a fluke. When asked what was different in last week's playbook from the rest of the year Coach McQueeney stated, "I finally finished coloring it." This week Coach McQueeney has benched the under performing Lamar Smith in favor of Stacy Mack this week in hopes of lighting a fire in a lack luster running game. The Crushers are also coming off a huge 1-point victory over the Cougars, gaining a bit of revenge for the South Division and proving they can still compete on any given week. Regardless of record, this should be a good game. Neither team has an outstanding advantage, except Terrell Owens at Buffalo, so I'll side with that in a possible preview to the Sauer Bowl Championship.
Crusher 65 Onslaught 63 Maulers (6-5) vs. Storm (10-1) After last weeks win over the Magic, Col. Piro was seen bar hopping all evening, stripping down and jumping on the local pubs pool tables while singing, "I am a big pole smoker", to the tune of Ricky Martin's, Livin' la vida loca". We are not sure why and it was not pretty. Coach Sheridan has rattled off 4 straight wins since losing to WoWW week 7 (Notice how slyly I worked that in.) and is looking to put an exclamation point on this years division winning season by stomping the Maulers and let's face it, they will. What looked to be a golden year for The Maulers has fell apart, what looked to be an average year for The Storm has exploded into a dream season. So much for the preseason experts, huh? This one should get ugly as The Storm hand out an ass whoopin' that The Maulers will remember in 2002. Storm 90 Maulers 55/b>
*****Upset Special***** Cougars (8-3) vs. Panthers (5-6))The leagues high scoring team, The Cougars, bring their vaunted Chuck and Duck offense to the 2nd meeting of the bi-annual Penisville Bowl. The Panthers have clinched a spot in this years Bridesmaid Bowl while the Cougars are jockeying for seeding in the Championship Tourney, so this game is for pride, (such that it is) bragging rights and who gets to keep the moonshine still for the rest of the year in Dog Patch. Both teams lost heart breakers last week but took away some comfort that they played well against Strong South Division teams, but the loss to WoWW may have seriously affected Coach Sour's well being for a long time. Let me back track a moment. For a brief moment the Panthers had actually won the game, but at last second due to a scoring error his point total was reversed and The Panthers went down in defeat. (This is true) At that very second, Coach Sour fell to the ground in a fetal position sucking his thumb and humming the song "Loser" by Beck over and over and over. He has not recovered. Due to his condition, Coach Sour's pet pig, Mommy, will be coaching The Panthers this week. We feel this is a vast upgrade in coaching staff. Even with a loss last week The Cougars are on a roll having scored 70 or more points since week six while The Panthers have not scored 70 since week 5. However The Panther match ups are very intriguing this week while The Cougars are anything but stellar. Factor that in with The Still being on the line and I have a feeling Coach Mommy can pull this one off.
Panthers 70 Cougars 69
Game of the Week Sharks (7-4) vs. WoWW (7-4) Having the tiebreaker edge, with a win here The Sharks will win the South Division. Just typing that sentence made me ill, but it's the facts. The Sharks are coming off a horrific loss to heir interdivision rivals, The Nukers and will need to rebound to compete in what clearly is the biggest game of the year for both teams. Coach Osama bin Michaud has built a team in the image of his idol, Coach McMahon, and has done an admirable job in doing so. As a matter of fact the parity between the teams is amazing, just look at the break down of players when you get a chance, it's freakish. The Football Jihad of WoWW last week had a nice tune up game against The Panthers and was even able to sit The A-train down to rest him for this meeting, but unfortunately he may need another week. It looks like Coach McMahon could fall victim to the dreaded "Thursday Night Game Syndrome" and have a starter yanked on Sunday. When asked how he decided between staring, Thomas, Stewart or A-Train this weekend Coach McMahon said, " I flipped a coin." When it was pointed out that a coin only has 2 sides, Coach McMahon said, "I flipped it a lot." Then he ranted something about statistical probabilities of something, Thursday games being outlawed, and stormed out of the conference room, ala' Jim Mora. We think the pressures of the last few fantasy weeks may be getting to him. Either way it will be a good one to watch. Each Team has players with great match ups this week, each team has the players in place that can run up the score, and both teams have an equal opportunity to win. It is really going to be a close one, and The Sharks have shown they can win the close ones while WoWW, this year, has not. Sharks 70 WoWW 68 WARNING: If I am right, please stay out of the South Valley area. If the Sharks win their first South Division Title, there is no telling what may occur.Good luck to all. ~Jim |