Week 11 - I would like to thank James Lynn for stepping up to the plate while I was tanning in the Florida Keys. Although inaccurate, and passive his efforts were relatively legible and I thank him for laying off the moonshine for a few minutes to write

Maulers (5-5) vs. Magic (7-3)

The Magic showed up last week with a week high 111 points week ten and 107 points week 11 as a reminder that they shouldn't be written off yet. The Maulers showed up with 41 points as a reminder that they should. It has been a long fall from preseason super bowl favorite to midseason marshmallow, but with the size of the Col.'s ass a fall of that magnitude really shouldn't hurt much. Actually, to hear tell, there is a legend in Minoa that the Col. will actually bounce when the fall is one story high or more. But, I digress. The Magic appear to be using the same, "watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass" approach that they employed to take themselves to a Championship last year. Play a season with a team built on band-aids and medical tape, then hope to hell they are healthy for the play offs. It seems as sound a strategy as anyone else's. They also are in a VERY close divisional race. This does not bode well for the Col. who was last seen curled up in a fetal position with several boxes of Twinkies after last week's loss to the Lightning. I suppose if I had lost to both the Panthers AND the Lightning in the same year, I'd probably mental check out as well. Anyhow, this one will be uglier then Coach Lynn in a Speedo.

Magic 90 Maulers 40

Onslaught (0-10) vs. Lightning (1-9)

I'm really sort of bummer that the Lightning beat up on the hapless Maulers last week as I was so looking forward to a battle of the zero wins. Both teams have a guaranteed spot in the 2001 Sauer Memorial Bowl, but this one is for pride. That had such potential. Ah well such is fate. The Onslaught appears to be cursed, scoring 66 and then 73 points in consecutive losing efforts while maintaining an injury list longer than The Col.'s shopping list at Baskin Robbins. Both teams have relatively even match-ups this week with a slight edge in the running game going to the Onslugs. Err.. Onslaught. Toss that in with Coach Lynn famous (and apparently valid) "They're due" theory and I'll take the Screaming Queens…err Onslugs…. Errr Onslaught. Setting up a Sauer Bowl Grudge match.

Onslaught 55 Lightning 50

Panthers (5-5) vs. WoWW (6-4)

It's fitting that this is Thanksgiving week, however, instead of Turkey, WoWW will be feasting on panther. Coach McMahon generally regards Panther week as a bye week however this year he will use it as a tune up game for a vitally important divisional contest week 12. The Panthers are vowing to make a game of it this year. Coach Sauer went out and bought his pet pig, Mommy, a swell new cheerleader outfit in preparation. (I pity that poor pig). He has even invited his girlfriend, Cousin Becky Sue, to attend the game in a "luxury box". (FYI: In Penisville…err Pennellville; a Luxury box is a crate stacked in the back of a pick up truck.) I hear rumor that The Panther have even designed a trick play to help them win this year. Mainly it consistent of everyone lying down and playing dead, hoping that WoWW will be convince and go home. The only flaw in that plan is that a Panthers team playing hard and a Panthers team playing dead, is pretty hard to tell apart. Look for a WoWW win while they continue their playoff hunt.

WoWW 75 Panther 60

Cougars (8-2) vs. Crushers (3-7)

Since their miraculous win over WoWW The Cougars poured in on. Including last weeks showing of 107 points to jump out to first place in scoring. With a win this week the Cougars will clinch the East Division, such that it is. With a loss here the Crushers head straight to the Sauer Memorial. What is very intriguing about this match up is The Cougars Stud QB Jeff Garcia's favorite target is Terrell Owens, who is a Crusher. If Owens does cancel out Garcia, the Cougars won't have much to fall back on. Stephen Davis is a shell of himself, and I am still not convinced that you can win consistently with a 3-wide "Chuck and Duck" offence. Look for the Crushers to pull off a win here and keep the divisional pressure on WoWW. (Normally I would call this an upset type of game. However, whenever a South Division team beats and East Division team, is it really ever an upset?)

Crushers 65 Cougars 60

*****Upset Special*****

In an earlier interview, Coach Dave Ryan guaranteed a win this week. With the Maulers falling on hard times Coach Ryan feels he has a chance to sneak his way into the 2001 Bridesmaids Bowl, and he very well could be right. But they need this win to hold on to the dream. The Sharks, led by Coach Osama bin Michaud, are starting to feel the pressure of leading a tight divisional race. It is rumored that bin Michaud is sweating so much right now that those close to him have begun to nickname him "Puddles". Although it was not 100% clear that they are referring to sweat. The Sharks should win this game hands down. However; The Nukers have a very good opportunity with math-ups and the ability to nullify the play of Cullpepper with Cris "Cater" Carter. In other words, I smell an upset. (Either that or Coach Lynn just walked by).

Nukers 60 Sharks 55

Game of the Week

Storm (9-1) vs. Knights (6-4)

The annual Naughton Office Bowl. Even though Owner Sheridan may have forgotten how to actually get to the office. The Storm have clinched the West Division title for the second time in three years. As for the Knights they are back to their old ways. They score 91 points week ten while in a tight division battle and lose. That has got to hurt, but is it enough to derail them? With the Leagues leading running back Curtis Martin on the bench, it is fortunate that the Knights have such running back depth available. But will it be enough to score beat a very explosive Strom team? The records say no. However, the Knights are close enough to smell a North Division Title (Either that or Coach Naughton has forget to bathe again.) and I am certain are going down with a fight. Offensively, The knights rank #3 in scoring and though they may not be as explosive as the Storm, they are more stable. Couple that with Coach Sheridan already in his second week of Championship binge drinking festivities, and Superman Faulk facing a rather pissed off Tampa Bay Defense, and it looks like The Knights has a better than average chance to continue their play off hunt. Either way it's going to be a good one in a classic match up of two of the better teams of 2001.

Knights 85 Storm 80

Good luck to all. ~Jim